“I know about the young man you fell in love with in high school. Cassie told me.”
“He died,” Chloe said firmly. “He was my life. I was seventeen and I loved with my whole heart. One day he was just gone.”
Charity’s mouth twisted down. “Would you rather have played it safe? Knowing what you know now, if you could turn back time, would you not have loved him?”
The question stung. Chloe sucked in a breath as pain shot through her chest. Knowing what she knew now, could she walk away from Billy? She’d wrestled with this question before.
She pictured his face in her mind, remembered the feel of his hand as he held hers. She thought about the whispered promises they’d made when they thought they had forever. They had been so in love with each other, so convinced that they would never need anyone else.
Those were magical times, she admitted to herself. They’d been so young and yet it had felt right. Would it have been better to play it safe?
“No,” she whispered, answering both Aunt Charity’s question and her own. “I would still have loved him. I would still have wanted to be there at the end, holding his hand.” She blinked back the sudden tears. “Those last months were horrible. The family tried everything, Billy fought against the cancer, but in the end, it won. He wanted to die at home, so he did. We were all there, all trying to be brave for him. I remember he kept saying it was okay to cry.”
She brushed at the tears on her cheeks. “He told me I had made his life worth living.”
“I’m sure you did,” her aunt told her. “That has value…for both of you.”
Chloe nodded. Her throat was tight. “I remember his last breath. He exhaled and then was very still. We all waited, willing him to take in another breath, but he was gone. I thought I was going to die. I prayed to go with him so that we could always be together, just like we’d promised each other.”
“But your life had a different path than his.”
“I know that now, but at seventeen I was devastated.”
Chloe thought about all her aunt had asked, all she’d asked herself. “I can’t regret loving Billy,” she said slowly. “Knowing what I know now, I would do it all again. I would love him and I would sit next to him on the bed and watch him die.”
“We aren’t always guaranteed a happy ending,” Charity said. “But that doesn’t mean we are allowed to stop loving. That is our purpose. Our great gift and sometimes the source of our sorrow. The world has much to offer, but first we must be willing to accept what is given. Love doesn’t come for free, but it’s always worth the effort.”
“You’re telling me not to be afraid to love Arizona.”
“I’m telling you that you’ll regret turning your back on the gift, if that’s what’s offered. But there are no promises, Chloe. You know that.”
She didn’t know. That was the problem. “In some ways we’re so much alike, but in others…” She shook her head. “I’ve been thinking about what I’ve been doing. Here in Bradley, I mean. In my life. I keep telling everyone, including myself, that when I have the right number and types of articles, I’ll go to New York and find a job with a big magazine. Isn’t that the craziest thing you’ve ever heard?”
“No. You’re very talented.”
Chloe smiled. “Thanks, Aunt Charity, but that’s not what I meant. I’ve been sitting here wondering what I’m waiting for. Why do I need the perfect article? If I can’t get a writing job, I’ll bet there’s something I can do at a magazine. I can intern, or be an assistant for a while. I already work for a reputable publication. I know the industry. But I’ve been waiting for exactly the right circumstances.”
Her aunt nodded. “You’re starting to wonder if that’s a symptom for something else.”
“Exactly. I’m starting to think I don’t want to leave Bradley. That I love this old house and this town. My family, my job, my friends. Somewhere along the line I got the idea that to be a ‘real’ writer, I had to go somewhere else. Otherwise, I didn’t really have a dream. But my dreams can work here just as well. I don’t have to move away and I’m starting to think I don’t want to.”
“Then don’t. No one is making you go. I’m sure your editor at the magazine right here would be thrilled to know you were staying.”
“But what about Arizona?” Chloe asked softly. “I’ve just figured out that all I want in life is right here in my own backyard. Just like in the movies. There’s no place like home. But the man I’ve fallen in love with doesn’t have a real home. He travels the world.”